is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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