my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There r osticjed everywhere
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
