I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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