just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
