I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
