Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My dick has a subreddit
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
