it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
