i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
