Is it normal to miss your booty call?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
