Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
