Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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