Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
