I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
