The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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