I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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