It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
