Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We have so much sex to catch up on
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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