you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
