Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
sex in a hospital.. check
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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