oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
