So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
