I heard we made out
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
