awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
