i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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