bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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