Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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