dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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