Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
