idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My balls are so social today.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
