well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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