I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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