:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
