You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
