Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
