Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
