i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
