It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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