happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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