I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
