I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
