a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
