Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
