Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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