can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
