Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
