you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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