BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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