Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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