im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
