walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
