I'm gonna have a badass scar
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
