Her vagina should come with caution tape.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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