I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
