I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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